1: Grieving is a Process

Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, and philosophical dimensions. Common to human experience is the death of a loved one, whether it be a friend, family, or other companion. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement often refers to the state of loss, and grief to the reaction to loss. Losses can range from loss of employment, pets, status, a sense of safety, order, or possessions, to the loss of loved ones.

2: Comfort Them

What do you say or do to console a friend or loved one after they lose someone close?  Say "I'm sorry" and give them the opportunity to talk about the deceased.  Allow them to share their memories with you.  When you speak of them, use the deceased person's name.  Validate that grieving is normal, and ask them how you can help.  Remember that the best support you can offer the bereaved is to listen and be understanding.

3: Self Care While Grieving

During grieving, it is common to need breaks from our emotions.  This in no way dishonors the seriousness of our concerns and the memories of our loved one.  Here are a few ideas to respond to the stress that comes with grieving.

• Lie in the sun streaming in through your windows.  Bathe, breathe in the sun.
• Find something alive to care for, such as a plant or a pet.
• Try gentle exercise like yoga, tai chi, or walking.
• Make a memory box, collage, or journal to store your thoughts and memories.

4: Permission to grieve

We need to give ourselves permission to feel any way we feel and to express those feelings in any way that is appropriate for us.  We need to know that there is no right way to respond, no right way to grieve.  And we need to know that it is dangerous not to choose to express grief fully.  Studies show that those who suppress their emotions have more physical and psychological ailments during the first month, remain disturbed longer, and, even as long as thirteen months after the loss, are still displaying more marked disturbances than people who were willing to express fully their feelings following the loss.

5: Joy Without Guilt

How are you blessed?  Sometimes when we've experienced a loss it is helpful to remember the good in our lives.  Take a moment to write down what you're thankful for.  Start with one blessing and keep the list in a place where you can see it and add to it often.